There’s a lot of talk these days about how society has become hyper-individualistic — and while that’s not untrue, I want to make something very clear:
Individualism and self-preservation are not the same thing.
And confusing the two? That’s where the real harm happens — especially for people learning how to lead, parent, create, or exist in this world without burning themselves to the ground.
I teach leadership through self-preservation.
But the more I watch the world online, the more I realize how many people are calling survival “selfish” or equating self-preservation with narcissism.
But the more I watch the world online, the more I realize how many people are calling survival “selfish” or equating self-preservation with narcissism.
So let’s break this down.
Individualism is a Trauma Response
Let’s be real: individualism is a symptom.
A side effect of living under patriarchy and capitalism for way too long.
A side effect of living under patriarchy and capitalism for way too long.
Patriarchy tells you your worth is tied to how much you provide.
Capitalism tells you your worth is tied to how much you produce.
Capitalism tells you your worth is tied to how much you produce.
So you spend years — decades — providing and producing.
For your kids, your job, your partner, your community.
And what do you get in return?
For your kids, your job, your partner, your community.
And what do you get in return?
For most people, the answer is: nothing.
No rest.
No peace.
No support.
No peace.
No support.
And then one day, you wake up angry.
You say, What about me?
You say, What about me?
You’re bitter. You’re exhausted. You’re tapped out.
So you swing hard in the opposite direction — into me, me, me.
Into hyper-individualism.
So you swing hard in the opposite direction — into me, me, me.
Into hyper-individualism.
Into a survival response masked as self-focus.
But it’s not self-love — it’s self-protection built on resentment.
But it’s not self-love — it’s self-protection built on resentment.
That’s not leadership. That’s a nervous system collapse.
Self-Preservation Is Innate
Now let’s talk about what self-preservation actually is.
It’s not narcissism. It’s not a tantrum. It’s not spiritual bypassing.
Self-preservation is sacred.
It’s instinctual.
It’s that quiet, inner knowing that says:
It’s instinctual.
It’s that quiet, inner knowing that says:
“If I don’t take care of myself first, I’ll have nothing left to give.”
It’s not rooted in bitterness — it’s rooted in love.
It’s the difference between survival mode and sustainable wholeness.
Because someone who’s self-preserving isn’t closing off the world — they’re fortifying themselves so they can show up for it with more capacity.
When you self-preserve, you’re saying:
I want to pour from a full cup.
I want to give, but not from depletion.
I want to lead, but not from martyrdom.
I want to pour from a full cup.
I want to give, but not from depletion.
I want to lead, but not from martyrdom.
Here’s the Difference You Can Feel
The energy doesn’t lie.
Individualism repels.
It says, “I’m out for myself and screw everyone else.”
And people feel it. They walk away from it. They don’t want to be around it.
It says, “I’m out for myself and screw everyone else.”
And people feel it. They walk away from it. They don’t want to be around it.
Self-preservation attracts.
It says, “I care enough about my impact that I’m making sure I’m whole before I try to serve others.”
It says, “I care enough about my impact that I’m making sure I’m whole before I try to serve others.”
And when people feel that?
They want it too.
It inspires a ripple effect — a quiet revolution of regulated, grounded, self-led humans who still care about community because they first cared about themselves.
They want it too.
It inspires a ripple effect — a quiet revolution of regulated, grounded, self-led humans who still care about community because they first cared about themselves.
Leadership Through Self-Preservation
When you lead through self-preservation, you’re magnetic.
You’re not demanding attention — you’re embodying it.
People look at you and say:
You’re not demanding attention — you’re embodying it.
People look at you and say:
“Damn, she takes care of herself — and she still shows up with power and generosity.”
That’s the kind of energy that builds movements.
That’s the kind of leadership that heals instead of harms.
That’s the kind of leadership that heals instead of harms.
So no — self-preservation isn’t selfish.
It’s not individualistic.
It’s not individualistic.
It’s the antidote to burnout, bitterness, and performative power.
And if you’ve ever been made to feel guilty for choosing yourself —
Let me say this plainly:
Let me say this plainly:
The world doesn’t need more martyrs.
It needs more leaders who refuse to lead from depletion.
It needs more leaders who refuse to lead from depletion.
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