Welcome back to The Filing Cabinet blog, where I encourage you to screw societal expectations and make a ton of money while doing it!
My guess is that you landed on this post because you are a mom who is sick and f*ckin tired of feeling guilty for putting yourself and your happiness first.
You're tired of the damn guilt that comes with buying something nice for yourself, chasing your dreams, or just saying "no" when your kid asked for more V-bucks on Fortnite.....
Mom guilt is that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough for your children or that you're falling short in some aspect of motherhood. But guess what? This guilt is BS of the highest order, largely unfounded, and deeply rooted in patriarchal structures that place unrealistic and unfair expectations on us. By understanding where this guilt comes from and recognizing its impact, we can start to dismantle these harmful beliefs and support ourselves with love and compassion. So, let's dive in and explore why mom guilt needs to go!
The Unrealistic Standards of Perfection
One of the biggest reasons mom guilt is so pervasive is because of the unrealistic standards of perfection that society imposes on us. Media often portrays an idealized version of motherhood where women are expected to manage their homes flawlessly, raise perfect children, and maintain their careers effortlessly. It's exhausting just thinking about it, right? I already need a damn nap.
These unattainable expectations set us up for failure and guilt because, let's face it, no one can live up to such standards (nor do I want to). By recognizing that perfection is an illusion, we can start to alleviate some of that pressure and focus on what truly matters—loving and nurturing our kids in our own unique ways, and in ways that fill up our cup as well.
Media Influence and Societal Pressure
The influence of media is everywhere—from TV shows to social media influencers, the portrayal of the "perfect mom" is hard to escape. These portrayals often show women who have it all together—immaculate homes, well-behaved children, thriving careers, and perfect relationships.
This constant barrage of perfection creates an unrealistic benchmark that we feel pressured to meet. But let's be real: behind every staged Instagram post, there are untold struggles and imperfections. Understanding this discrepancy can help us realize that what we see is not always the full story.
And if you follow me on Instagram, you'll know that 99% of the time I show up as a hot mess and I'm always gonna shoot it to you straight.
The Myth of the Supermom
The idea of the "supermom" is another aspect of these unrealistic standards. Supermoms are expected to juggle multiple roles seamlessly—caregiver, professional, homemaker, and partner. This myth perpetuates the notion that we should be able to handle everything without breaking a sweat. The truth is, everyone has limits, and trying to do it all can lead to burnout and mental health issues. It's okay to ask for help and remember that no one can do it all.
This is also where understanding and embodying your Human Design comes into play. I'm a projector, which means my energy is fleeting. I can't keep up with moms who are generators or manifesting generators. Nor was I meant too. You have to stop playing the comparison game with other perceived "perfect" moms.
The Role of Patriarchy in Shaping Mom Guilt
Patriarchy plays a significant role in shaping mom guilt by reinforcing traditional gender roles and expectations. Historically, women have been seen as primary caregivers, while men were considered providers. This division of labor has persisted over time, leading to the belief that our worth is tied to our ability to care for our families.
As a result, many of us feel guilty when we pursue personal or professional goals, fearing we are neglecting our primary duties. By challenging these patriarchal norms and advocating for shared responsibilities with our partners, we can create a more equitable environment that eliminates mom guilt.
Historical Context and Gender Roles
The origins of these roles can be traced back to historical contexts where men were hunters and providers, while women took care of home and children. These roles were necessary for survival but have since become outdated (ever since being a single mom became a thing, really). Despite societal advancements, many of these traditional roles have stuck around, perpetuated by cultural norms and expectations. Understanding the historical context can help us see why these roles were formed and why they need to be re-evaluated in modern society.
The Impact on Mental Health
The pressure to conform to traditional roles and societal expectations can take a toll on our mental health. Feelings of inadequacy, stress, and anxiety are common among mothers who feel they are not living up to these roles. It's essential to recognize that these feelings are not a reflection of our abilities but rather the result of unrealistic and outdated expectations. Addressing these mental health issues is crucial for our well-being and that of our families.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
Another crucial aspect of addressing mom guilt is the importance of self-compassion. We often hold ourselves to incredibly high standards and are quick to criticize our perceived shortcomings. Practicing self-compassion involves acknowledging that being a mother is challenging and that it's okay to make mistakes. We need to remind ourselves that we are doing our best and that our love and effort are what truly matter.
We also need to remind ourselves that the people we were before we became mothers, are still important. Her hopes, her dreams, her desires. Those things still matter and need to be nurtured without the guilt or shame we feel by pursuing them. By fostering a culture of self-compassion, we can feel more confident and supported in our parenting journey.
Practical Steps for Practicing Self-Compassion
- Mindful Acknowledgment: Take a moment each day to acknowledge your efforts and remind yourself that you are doing your best (because I promise you that you are)
- Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to counter negative thoughts. Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes and that you are enough. I like to use affirmations like "I expand in love, success, and abundance as I inspire others to do the same."
- Seek Support: Get you some mom friends that also wanna spend more time outside without their kids. Take on some big girl activities and hire the sitter. Surround yourself with supportive and like-minded mamas.
Let's wrap this up
Mom guilt is a deeply ingrained and unfounded emotion rooted in the unrealistic expectations set by society and reinforced by patriarchal norms. By understanding the origins of mom guilt, challenging these harmful beliefs, and promoting self-compassion, we can support each other in feeling more confident and valued. It is time to dismantle the structures that perpetuate mom guilt and create a more equitable and supportive environment for all mothers. Let's move forward with empathy, understanding, and a commitment to change, ensuring that no mother has to carry the unnecessary burden of guilt. You are doing an amazing job, and it's time to recognize that!
And if you know you need more hands-on support and accountability with putting this tips into action, and you're ready to reclaim your personal power
I can't wait to support you! Laterrrrrrrrrrr
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